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  • StuckInTheMuck
    08-05 02:48 PM
    Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.

    One says to the other, "I'm sorry - I was looking for my wife."
    "What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."

    "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"

    "She's tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs and a tight ass.

    What's your wife look like?"

    "Never mind, let's look for yours!"





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  • chanduv23
    03-25 02:11 PM
    If he indeed was affiliated with the USCIS, I would want to hear his take on this even more. We are trying to understand what can and cannot be done in terms of self employment while on AOS and who better to answer this, than a USCIS representative.

    No one is trying to break the rules, just trying to understand what the rules are so they aren't unknowingly broken.

    And I know you were just joking, tee hee.

    Ok, in all seriousness - I used to confront with UN on Rajiv Khanna forums thinking that he is talking crap. But I later realized that he always tries to explain to you the other side of things and how perspectives differ.

    Back home - people think h1b visa is a gateway to USA. A lot of people think flight ticket, boarding pass, visa , passport everything in the same range.

    Before my wife came to US - someone told her - if she completes all USMLE successfully her status automatically changes from h4 to h1 - thats how people are there

    Once people come here perspective changes.

    Now among us, we share common ground so have same perspective - and thats what UN is trying to say - think from the other side. Look at the perspective from other side.





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  • chanduv23
    04-13 01:40 PM
    It is not illegal to work on percentage basis. But if employer-employee relationship is now followed the way it should be followed by law then there are issues. For example, you are not in the same medical plans as employees or your work insurance is not covered (or you are not invited in annual christmas party for employees - just kidding). Specially, labor approval procedure has heavy dependency on prevailing wages and salary offered. In percentage basis there is no salary offered. Think about it.

    There is a gray area here. You can believe it is legal because it is nowhere mentioned that it is illegal. The certifying officer may believe that it is illegal because it is nowhere mentioned that it is legal.

    From what I understand, employers ready to pay all these benefits if employee decides to be salaried, but will not give employee control over the billing.

    In my case, I never take per diem, but I do find projects on my own and control over how much I must get and employer adjusts payroll accordingly because I marketed myself and also work hard at the client and get projects extended due to performance which benefits the employer, I also help employer with inhouse work. My wife has excellent benefits covered so I don't bother to take any benefits from my employer other than the money.

    Anyone can be paid a fixed consulting fee, just not h1b. You can find US citizens working for hourly pay because they don't need benefits as they may get through spouse.

    As long as you declare income and pay taxes, this is not a grey area.

    Once again, anti immigrants can make this also an issue as for them everything with H1b seems to be an issue.





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  • gsc999
    04-06 11:32 PM
    Certain provisions of this bill will create unnecessary hurdles for many H1_B visa holders and employers.

    Thanks for highlighting. Lets take appropriate action.



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  • Macaca
    02-12 02:39 PM
    Lou Dobbs rants about the pardon every day. A CNN special contradicts Lou Dobbs.

    Commentary: Anti-immigrant mob creates false heroes (http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/12/navarrette/index.html)

    By Ruben Navarrette Jr.
    Special to CNN

    SAN DIEGO, California (CNN) -- The world is upside down. A posse of Republican lawmakers who, when opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants, like to talk about how rules must be followed and how we shouldn't reward lawbreakers. They're now demanding that a pair of convicted felons be rewarded with a presidential pardon.

    Ex-Border Patrol agents Jose Compean and Ignacio Ramos were sentenced to 11 years and 12 years in prison, respectively, after a jury convicted them of shooting an unarmed suspect and then covering it up.

    It happened on February 17, 2005. That's when Compean and Ramos encountered a suspicious van along the Texas-Mexico border.

    The driver, Osvaldo Aldrete-Davila, abandoned the vehicle and tried to run into Mexico. Aldrete-Davila was smuggling drugs, and the van was loaded with more than 700 pounds of marijuana.

    Compean fired at least 14 rounds and Ramos fired once, hitting Aldrete-Davila. The agents then collected the shell casings, failed to report the shooting, and filed reports that made no mention of the incident.

    None of this is heroic, except to the anti-immigrant mob, which has been making excuses for Compean and Ramos while accusing U.S. Attorney Johnny Sutton, whose office prosecuted the case, of being an agent of the Mexican government.

    Recently, Department of Homeland Security Inspector General Richard L. Skinner admitted that officials in his office "misinformed" Republican members of Congress when they claimed to have proof that Compean and Ramos confessed their guilt and said that they "wanted to shoot some Mexicans" before the incident.

    But what does all this have to do with the price of whiskey in West Texas? Not a thing. It was the U.S. attorney's office, and not the Homeland Security Department, that brought this case. So, unless federal prosecutors lied to the court or defense attorneys, there is no reason for a pardon.

    I've spoken to Sutton twice in the last couple of weeks, and he didn't strike me as some wild-eyed prosecutor. He insists that a lot of what is out there is "overheated rhetoric" from the ill-informed.

    Much of that rhetoric belongs to Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-California, (or as he is aptly described in this case, Dana "off-his-rocker"). The congressman has said that President Bush could be impeached if either Ramos or Compean meets his demise in prison.

    As his name gets dragged through the mud, you'd think that Sutton might hold a grudge. Not so.

    "I have a lot of sympathy for some of the folks who are worked up because the narrative that they read is so different from the reality of what the jury heard," Sutton told me.

    But what about those unsympathetic Republican hacks, Minutemen vigilantes and conservative bloggers who are using this case to further their own agendas? For Sutton, it's a reminder that there is no substitute for the American justice system. While not perfect, that system is designed to dole out justice based on facts and law, not politics.

    "It's why we litigate these things in a courtroom and not on cable television or the Internet," he said.

    Be glad that's so.





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  • gcnotfiledyet
    03-24 03:53 PM
    Ofcourse I am unbias.

    I can't even begin to think how many people I know; cases I know from people who are from india.

    I'd say that it is less then 3% from people with other countries.

    As another poster rightly said that many of the issues happening is mainly to India because it takes so long to get the greencard and eventually everyone gets into these issues.

    Non indians don't face many issues because they get the greencard so fast; and hence they go through very little issues (generally). If other countires had to wait so long then everyone would also have similar types of issues.

    Since most of the forums are related to IT and Indians then if I ever broach on something a little negative or give different perspective then people look at my profile and see I was born in Pakistan and think there is some bias there.

    btw; I left when I was five years old and hardly knew any pakistanis/indians when I was growing up and for what it is worth my wife is Hindu.

    Your posts are arguably best on this forum. I have religiously read all your posts and will do in future. Your posts always make sense. I just wish we could get more insight and perspective from you. Great work. Keep them coming.

    What are your thoughts on h1bs/GC sponsored by universities. Do you forsee any problems with them? Also any insight on long time it takes for visa stamping?



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  • unitednations
    03-26 05:51 PM
    Does this mean that H1B is also location specific?

    There has been no definitive guidance. H-1b is specific to company, candidate with job duties. If there is a "material change" then it should be amended.

    Material change has not been defined in all encompassing ways. it is a gray area whether one needs to amend h-1b for another location. In that particular case; aao seemed to imply that another work location was a material change. There was no follow up after they made the decision. One of the posters who participated on that thread said that he knew that particular person and after that decsion his lawyer showed LCA's and the case was approved.

    However; it still wasn't conclusive of whether that was good enough. Reason being was that the candidates labor was filed in 2000 and he had 245i protection and that in itself would have protected him from his out of status issues; ultimately on that specific case of working on different locations would not have had an impact because he was protected in other ways.





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  • kshitijnt
    09-27 11:15 PM
    With economy in doldrums, mccain has almost lost election. CO is leaning to democrats so is VA and NH. And no state that Kerry won in 2004 is leaning to republicans. PA is almost safe with Biden in ticket. So Obama has reasonably stable lead in polls. All he needs to make sure is he does not make any gaffes in the debates.



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  • SunnySurya
    08-05 11:55 AM
    That is correct and unfortunate...
    We have approx 35K members and not even 2k people contributed to our cause if not 100 at least $5. .

    No I don't expect that on the contary I highly doubt it will ever materialize. But if such group is formed I will definitly participate in that just because I think it is right thing to do.
    Not sure how do u expect $500 -1000 for a failing cause. If you take the pain others will happily enjoy the fruit. .

    Don't go by when it shows I joined. Do you really think that I will discuss such controverial topics using my original ID. By the way, I (the person and not my Ids) have contributed to the cause way more than you have. And I still believe that we need to continue down that path.

    By the way I have contributed $200 ( and more in line) and participated in phone and fax campaigns and got at least few more new members with contribution.





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  • Amma
    01-06 06:10 PM
    What Israel is doing is pure state terrorism.Isreal is grid locking the gaza strip and punishing gazans because they elected Hamas. World policeman America will advocate democracy to the world but refuse to accept democratically elected Hamas. What a selective measurement ?

    Israel always sees that they are in upper hand. I strongly condemn the poking of Hamas by firing rockets into Israel.They teased the elephant and now they are suffering. This is a cycle. In this war neither party is going to win.Both fools will suffer because of their madness.But innocent people who got in between these two thugs will suffer the most. That is the fate.
    Take Srilanka. If the srilankan government gives reasonable autonomy to the Tamils , that isssue would have sorted out long time ago. See what is happening now ? Srilanka is air bombing its own citizens and killing in dozens.
    Which country is condemning this ? All are keeping quiet.Now, Tamil tigers will start their terror tactics then whole world will condemn their act.

    So, unless there is give and take policy it is a endless cycle of destruction and agony.Unfortunately, the sixth sense is not working in those conflict regions.And suffering of the common innocent citizens is continuing.



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  • mrane1
    04-07 02:45 AM
    :p

    I had no idea my two humble posts would stir up such a hornets' nest among the desi junta here. I certainly see more "bears" coming out of their hibernation now that spring is here :).

    OK, I admit that I am also in the camp that really wants to buy a house and "settle down" in a good area with good schools for my kids. The mythical "nesting instinct" is alive and well here. I am obsessed with the real estate market, and am constantly watching real estate porn as my wife calls it, i.e., surfing on ziprealty.com and redfin.com trying to spot good deals.

    However, the reality is that I am scared sh*tless of the market right now. I do not want to burn my hard earned equity in the form of a good 20% plus downpayment. If you are in the same situation as I am, then I would offer the following practical suggestions to help you cope with the situation:

    1. Rent a house/townhouse/condo from private parties instead of an apartment complex to help you understand the responsibilities and expenses of homeownership.

    2. If renting an apartment in an area with moderate schools, and have school age kids, instead of trying to chase the dream of building equity in a house in an area with good public schools, in the short run, consider sending your kids to a decent private school. The cost of added property taxes in case of home purchase would alone balance out the high monthly payments of private schooling, with probably better "return on investment" at a private school.

    3. Feel good about renting an apartment: You should not succumb to peer pressure and try to keep up with the Janardhan's (OK, bad joke, "Joneses") and buy a house just because other people took the plunge at the wrong time. Your time will come. Just be patient. Not to be taken lightly is the fact that in the month of April we celebrate Earth Day - think positively about all the energy you are saving living in an apartment with shared utilities with other people living in the complex. A house is a big energy guzzler (although I am sure an enjoyable one!) in all respects - more heating and cooling costs, more water used (esp. in summer with lawn watering), more greenhouse gas emissions from your individual lawn mower, leaf blower, and snow blower (can you picture yourself mowing your lawn or riding the snow blower in your lungi :D- OK this joke is getting old)...

    4. More quality time spent at home with the kids - when you are not having to do chores around a big house. A house seems to take up a lot of maintenance time, not to mention time spent cleaning/vacuuming /dusting the entire 3000 sq ft area and otherwise maintaining the 1/4 acre yard. You could instead spend a lot of quality time with your kids doing projects/homework/art work with them and being a kid again yourself. In a house it is more likely that unless you have kids big enough to help you do those chores for some incentive, your kids will be watching Dora and Diego while you are cleaning up.

    All in all, I think there are many positives to look forward to while you save money renting, and like I said before, when the time is nigh, you will have your turn. You will also by then, hopefully have your green cards in hand and may even be able to move to a more desirable city or other states looking for better work opportunities and where your downpayment savings will take you farther in getting you more for your buck.

    Cheers!

    "Real estate porn".... I just burst out laughing... Yeah I am a hardcore RE porn lover! I have been studying the market since 2004... I even got my GC in sept (although my wife is still stuck in name check... hopefully now that she is current again we might get the news!). So anywho, I completely agree with you junglee. Something tells me that you are an old timer who saw the 2001 crash unfold. I currently live in BA and I am shocked to see even desis spread so thin its really hard for me to fathom how they sleep at night. Many are just a few paychecks away from foreclosure... So did you invest in any of the inverse ETFs such as SRS, SKF, DXD, SDS?





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  • dealsnet
    01-08 12:18 PM
    You are furious about Mumbai tread?. Mumbai is heart of every Indian. Kashmir is our head. We cannot sit idle and tolerate our heart bleed.
    If you offended by mention about Mumbai and terrorist, I am sorry.
    Anger about the terrorist and their supporters in the name of religion.
    See the previous posts have links in you tube, and find out the way the kids are trained for hatred.

    You are best example of hypocrites and double standard:cool:. You will be very successful in your life, take my words.....

    I read your all post, the above post just makes me confused. How could you just bash one community , their beliefs ,make fun of their Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him and all the prophets ), his teaching , saying the that Mohamed has fooled his followers , let him , we want to be fools what can you do about it? and then later come up with such a statement.
    If it makes you furious , so does it to us.
    How do you justify your anger and hatred towards one community.

    I used to be very involved in all the immigrationvoice.org matters. When I was in a small town in Florida( moved to another city), there were lot of Indians unaware of immigrationvoice.org and immigration issues. I did lot of efforts to educate them and made them aware of this site and its efforts. My wallet and heart was always open for immigrationvoice.org . But after Mumbai attacks and this link, I can see the hatred towards my community.

    people have justified the killing of small kids saying that let them die today anyhow they are going to be terrorist in future. Pathetic, sad to hear this from so called highly educated people..


    I am out of this discussion , out of immigarionvoice...
    Peace Amen !!!!!



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  • ksvreg
    03-23 02:21 PM
    People who got GC are not facing any waves. That is why we need to get GC asap. If we struck in the GC process though we have a strong profile (careerwise, w2wise, taxwise, educationwise etc), we need to face waves like recession wave, backlog/perm wave, merging wave, economy wave, I140premium/nopremium wave, bipart wave, 2001 eb3stuck wave, magic visa bulletin wave, technology wave, visa stamping wave, uscis reform wave, dol wave, bulletin wave..





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  • pointlesswait
    01-06 01:28 PM
    violence is a two way sword..

    its not that hamas is doing gandhigiri there.. even though they were elected to rule palestine..those morons instead of providing good governence and hope to their ppl..have resorted to some mindless/aimless bombing of Israel.

    i care that kids are getting killed... but dont you care then when one of ur jihadi blows himself up..and many innocent get killed.
    I support that palestinians be given their right to self rule.. but they should learn to live and let live..

    so you are saying.. u can kill ppl in the name of god..and when someone responds..u squirm like a toad?

    grow up.. kid..


    Why do you want to end this discussion? Are you scared of speaking the truth or you don't care the killing of innocent school kids?



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  • unseenguy
    06-21 03:08 PM
    That is a nightmare !!! unless you are bill gates, Tata, Ambani etc etc ..if u have a relative in US in the same location then maybe you can manage but still it is problematic ..on top of it, how do you earn money in say India to pay mortgage in US ??
    if my GC (or say residency in any country) is denied, I would not want any immovable property in that place ....break - ins, mntc problems, maintenance etc ..I know there are some agencies which will take care of the property for you but their fees are high. I would rather have my money in liquid form and take it with me (or have the ability to take it with me).
    as someone else said ..maybe an option would be to stay back and sell the house (at a loss I guess) ..and risk going out of status (but re-entry would be problematic).
    I had a question though ..if GC is denied and EAD is valid for 2 years ..can you stay till EAD expiration date ? (I know u have option of MTR ..but say that is denied too ) ..in other words, how long can you stay after GC is denied

    Usually they will give you 3-4 weeks to leave.





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  • rajs
    03-24 06:07 PM
    i thing some1 has complained to uscis about you,
    so your case is refered to NFDC , YOU might also get a interview call soon.
    or the best thing get your GD
    all the best



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  • sanju
    05-16 11:26 PM
    Looks like, the letter sent out to India based business houses by the US senators has surprised the Commerce minister of India, Kamalnath. He is going take this up with US in the global trade meet at Brussels.

    http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Kamal_Nath_surprised_on_H1-B_visa_issue/articleshow/2055323.cms


    Kamalnath will do us all and the 9 companies a great service by staying out of this debate. He has already contributed by making "ignorant" statements like 'H-1B is a outsource visa". This guy has no clue about the issue at hand and he simply talks in broad strokes. If he jumps into the debate, that could be the last straw to break the camel's back. We will all be better off without him.





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  • NeverEndingH1
    12-17 02:32 PM
    Marphad,

    But none of their postings (jaspreetsinghgandhi & tabletpc) had your kind of religious-politics in it!

    This is exactly why terrorist and their supporters like antulay are succeeding...



    Ek aur double standard...

    You definitely didn't think about server hard drive space and your most valuable time when you posted these:

    Medical Insurance:
    http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showthread.php?p=221246#post221246


    DOW is down - ha ha ha:
    http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showthread.php?p=186584#post186584





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  • gcseeker2002
    12-27 10:49 PM
    I myself am originally from Mumbai so please dont doubt the deep sense of outrage that I feel. But amid all this talk about going to war, here are a few things to ponder

    1. Think about how long it takes to construct a single runway of an airport. In the developed countries, it takes about 2-3 years, for India safe to say 5-6 years. One of Paki's first responses would be take out entire airports not just runways. Can you imagine how long it would take us to recover

    >>>>>It will be the same if terrorists take out entire airports by their terror actions, which they were about to do in Mumbai that failed on 11/26. So no point worrying about what if.

    2. Why should India kill Pak when it is killing itself every day. At this rate, just imagine how long this country will last. Sitting back and being a spectator could just about be the best option

    >>>>>At this rate they will take another 50 years to kill themselves, but will continue to torment India till they die, they are like a cockroach that keeps wriggling till it dies, and does not matter if you just cut off its legs, etc.

    3. If we are outraged by 200 civilians/police/NSG dying, do we really have the stomach to absorb 1000s, lakhs ........

    >>>>>If we dont destroy the Pakis now, tomorrow their terrorists will take out 1000s, lakhs while we sit and wait.

    4. Talking of "surgical strikes" - surgical strikes on what? Even the dumbest terrorist knows that its probably not a good idea to be in a terror camp right now.

    >>>>>That is a true statement, but who cares, look at Israel that takes out Hamas buildings even though no hamas terrorists are in those buildings.

    5. Do we really want to unite all those crazy Punjabis, Balochis, Taliban and the Paki army

    >>>>>They are already united, it is Indians who are divided.

    6. Ok, what about assassinating Kayani. Wonderful, we have destroyed the last institution in Paki land. Get ready to welcome millions of refugees

    >>>>>No comments.

    I know I know that I am not coming up with any good course of action, just pointing out the flaws in the rest of them. But thats all my layman's strategic vision gives me. Maybe with just 1/100th the cost of war, we can improve our border/maritime security and also our intelligence apparatus

    Personally, I think war is going to happen. I just wish people even remotely understand what it is that they are asking for.

    War is bad but required to quell bad people, some people just dont get it the soft way.





    logiclife
    11-15 10:55 AM
    Today's entire column written by Lou Dobbs is something that our dear Lou is really familiar with.

    No, its not middle class.
    No, its not the illegal immigration or the minimum wage.
    And no, its not outsourcing and corporate greed.

    Its ...tada..LOU DOBBS.

    So today, on CNN.com Lou Dobbs presents : Lou Dobbs. (http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/14/Dobbs.Nov15/index.html)


    See, this the first sign a journalist is losing traction and becoming pathetic. He starts talking about himself/herself.

    That's why, like I said before in a previous thread, there is nothing to worry about from this guy, he is really George Costanza of CNN, only less funny and a little more portly.

    -Enjoy-





    rsdang
    08-29 10:58 AM
    :D We've all been there, but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked

    back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As

    much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is

    inevitable.

    For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide

    for Taking a dump at work.



    *CROP DUSTING* - When farting, you walk really fast around the

    office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but no

    one knows where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop

    until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure

    the smell has left your pants.



    *FLY BY* - The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk

    in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,

    leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.

    People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.



    *ESCAPEE* - A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a

    poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of

    embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.

    Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal,

    pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.

    Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.



    *JAILBREAK*- When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine

    gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover.

    If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has

    left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.


    *COURTESY FLUSH* - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the

    poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to

    stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the

    WALK OF SHAME.



    *WALK OF SHAME* - Walking from the stall-to the sink-to the door

    after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable

    moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to

    pretend that the smell does not exist.--Can be avoided with the use of

    the COURTESY FLUSH.


    *OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* - A colleague who poops at work and is

    Dog-gone proud of it. You will often see an Out-Of-The-Closet Pooper

    enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm.

    Always look around the office for the Out-Of- The-Closet Pooper before

    entering the bathroom.



    *THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who band

    together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This

    group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out-Of-The-Closet

    Poopers and identify SAFE HAVENS.



    *SAFE HAVENS* A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in t he building

    where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of

    the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex

    entering the bathroom.



    *TURD BURGLAR* - Someone who does not realize that you are in the

    stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking

    and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If

    this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way

    you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.



    *CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the

    bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a

    WATERMELON, or to alert potential *Turd Burglars* - Very effective when used in conjunction with a

    SHIRLEY TEMPLE .



    *SHIRLEY TEMPLE* - A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert

    potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all

    doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hea r a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the

    bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.



    *WATERMELON* - A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the

    toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a

    Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.



    *HAVANAOMELET* - A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud

    splashes in the toilet water--often accompanied by an Escapee. Try

    using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.



    *AUNT BETTY* - A bathroom user who seems to linger around

    forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the

    mirror or sitting on the pot.

    An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as

    you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits

    you as well as the other bathroom attendees



    ************************************************** ******************

    SOME VARIETIES~



    *The King Poop* - This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis.

    It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from

    straining so hard.



    *Bali Belly Poop* - You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.



    *Cement Block* - You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you

    poop.



    *Cork Poop* - (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third

    flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop

    usually happens at someone else's house.



    *The Bungee Poop* - The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear

    before it falls into the water.



    *The Crippler* - The kind of poop where you have to sit on the

    toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.



    *The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang* - The kind of poop that hits you when

    you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.



    *The Party Pooper* - The giant poop you take at a party and, when

    you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.



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